Archive

Monthly Archives: January 2012

I often lament and curse people. Humans. I just don’t think that our race is responsible for our doings, and our actions are just…..inhumane. However, the people I am referring to in this very post are the people around me, people who are there behind my back, people who are always supporting me no matter what.

This is for you guys.

Later this day, I faced one of the shittiest facts and dilemma in my life. I have to choose either to bail out from a conference which I have stuck on for almost a year by now and have the opportunity cost as high as hell and work my ass off of it or stick to the conference but eternally feel disgraced by myself and my family.

Long story short, I have this very nice friend of mine who are willing to hear my blabbers and my thoughts and my rants. He’s there to comfort me. He gave the nicest of words and the most comforting of advice. I know him only for a short while, but frankly speaking, I am truly, truly grateful to know someone like him.

Then I come to think of other people. We are sometimes too busy and too occupied with all the fast-paced things moving around us that we often forget the little simple things that support you to keep on going. We are sometimes too busy achieving, we are sometimes too busy thinking ahead and trying so hard to change the way we are now. We are sometimes too busy chasing the big picture – that we often forget the things that are around us.

I, personally, am too busy looking for what I can achieve, what I can obtain in this global community, that I often forgot those people around me. I feel such a pity for myself that only in breakdowns and down moments like this, do I remember these things. Well, they say, you don’t know what you got until it’s gone, do you? I wholeheartedly support and agree to this sentence.

When you are in despair, in the most bottom part of your life, you start to value and adore the little details you have always skipped in your fast-paced life. You passed through the smiles of strangers on the street, the little chats the high school teenagers in the angkot were talking, the rusting signs of the road, the bumpings on the road you took daily to campus. They seemed to be unimportant, meaningless. But when you find serenity – oddly enough, in your own despair – you will cherish these little meaningless things. You will unconsciously find interest among them.

Moreover, you will find affections and caring in the most unsuspected people. You will find friendliness on the security guard that watches over you in the campus’ lobby. You will find an odd silly talks among your daily visit to the supermarket. You will find the wise talks among your bestfriends’ laughs and humor. You will find that many people, out there, are watching over you, constantly supporting your back, holding your hands whenever the hands are starting to tremble and shake. You will find love and joy among the people around you, and by then, you finally know the joy of living, the art of taking it all slowly but secure, and the people. The people who are always there. All this time.

Advertisements

Dear all Summers out there, get a grip. Thousands of lonely Tom Hansens are waiting desperately for your consistency and awed by your constant charm.

Dear all Autumns out there, come. Many of Tom Hansens here are facing a hard time.

When I decided to create a WordPress journal and clicked the register button, the first line I saw was what my address would be. I couldn’t think of any, and my previous blogs’ addresses were of my real name. I tried matahari, but it was already used.

Until I came up with alectronafelidae.

As weird as it may be, what in the world is exactly alectronafelidae? Well it consisted of two words, two very random words, to be exact. Alectrona and Felidae.

Alectrona is a Greek mythology deity, said to be the daughter of Helios and Rhodes. Helios is the personification of Sun, while Rhodes is the goddess of the island of Rhodes. Alectrona here is the goddess of morning/sunrise/dawn, of waking up, and thus, the goddess of sun. It is not that I am seeking for Apotheosis (I’ve just finished reading Dan Brown’s The Lost Symbol, hehe) or I am comparing myself to a mythical deity, it’s that my name is the bahasa Indonesia for “light”. That is why I often use the terms of sun, light, (or occasionally, fire) to symbolize myself. As I mentioned in my About page, I have interest in several mythologies and culture. When I look up for the symbolization of sun/light/anything related, I found Surya (the Hindi solar deity), which is also the bahasa Indonesia for sun – and is a common name used in Indonesia. Naming my blog as Surya would sound somehow masculine in the ears of Indonesians. I found Apollo, the Olympian God for Sun, and also the God of light, alongside with poetry, prophecy, healing, plague, and music. It is far too great to just symbolize “light”. I also found Selene, the personification of moon in Greek mythology and I actually adore it, but it would be too feminine for a not-so-feminine me. I also found Agni, which is the Hindi God of Fire. But then again, like many of the beautiful names in the Hindi mythology, it is also a common name in Indonesia, and I don’t want to be mistakenly introduced myself in a different name. Thus I stumble upon Alectrona, and I fell in love.

Felidae is the family of cats. I love felines. From the small, little, cutesy ones to the huge and daring big cats. I love domestic cats, I love lions and lionesses. If I were to be reborn as an animal, I’ll beg that I were a Felid. Their poise is just so elegantly intimidating, their voice roars – and sometimes hisses, like the cats – so extravagantly loud, their furs so enchantingly beautiful. I specifically like it when they walk. Be it a domestic cat or a big cat, there is this strong yet sleek movement of their hips and their front legs. It’s as if they are proudly walking on this earth. And for my love for cats, I chose felidae.

Ta-da! AlectronaFelidae. Light-Cats. What?

This is of literal means and of metaphorical mean. In literal sense, yes, I am currently writing the first post in my new WordPress blog. A blog – or a journal – born from the sudden impulsiveness of writing, of taking my daily life into accounts, of materializing thoughts. Heaven knows how long will this impulsiveness and urge to write last.

In metaphorical sense, I was thinking about moving on, about letting it all go, about creating a new chapter in our life. I am basically talking about a certain topic – which of course, you all guessed, romance.

Sometimes, we are much too comfortable with our state right now that we are unwilling to change. We have fear for the unknown, perhaps fear of breaking routines and getting out of comfort zones, and we could not bear the harsh reality of facing the reality-expectation’s ever-growing paradox. Or, in this very special case of mine – and kazillion of other loners out there, the reason to it was that I am not ready and I am positioning myself to be lingered by the sweet memories of the past.

I was eager to move on, I was eager to kick a new start, I was eager to finally leave it all behind. I have all the amenities to do so, it should be as easy as ABC. But, oh, humans are ever-demanding. You started comparing, you started demanding, you started being all teary. And there are those nights where you have to live the night without the beacon shining over you. Unconsciously, you started to pathetically crawl back, begging for the past to repeat itself with all their memories, the sweet fragrance, the awfully joyous moments, you even wished for the lonesome nights to comeback.

I hate the fact that I am still lingering in the in-between, escaping from the fragile state I am currently living in the time-being, to seek refugee in the warmth of the past. At the very same time, I am escaping the unsolvable puzzles of the past, to find salvation the present has yet to offer.