This is of literal means and of metaphorical mean. In literal sense, yes, I am currently writing the first post in my new WordPress blog. A blog – or a journal – born from the sudden impulsiveness of writing, of taking my daily life into accounts, of materializing thoughts. Heaven knows how long will this impulsiveness and urge to write last.
In metaphorical sense, I was thinking about moving on, about letting it all go, about creating a new chapter in our life. I am basically talking about a certain topic – which of course, you all guessed, romance.
Sometimes, we are much too comfortable with our state right now that we are unwilling to change. We have fear for the unknown, perhaps fear of breaking routines and getting out of comfort zones, and we could not bear the harsh reality of facing the reality-expectation’s ever-growing paradox. Or, in this very special case of mine – and kazillion of other loners out there, the reason to it was that I am not ready and I am positioning myself to be lingered by the sweet memories of the past.
I was eager to move on, I was eager to kick a new start, I was eager to finally leave it all behind. I have all the amenities to do so, it should be as easy as ABC. But, oh, humans are ever-demanding. You started comparing, you started demanding, you started being all teary. And there are those nights where you have to live the night without the beacon shining over you. Unconsciously, you started to pathetically crawl back, begging for the past to repeat itself with all their memories, the sweet fragrance, the awfully joyous moments, you even wished for the lonesome nights to comeback.
I hate the fact that I am still lingering in the in-between, escaping from the fragile state I am currently living in the time-being, to seek refugee in the warmth of the past. At the very same time, I am escaping the unsolvable puzzles of the past, to find salvation the present has yet to offer.