I am an alpha female — or at least I think I am? yea I think I am.
And I have an alpha boyfriend — career and ambition wise, that is.
We participated in several competitions together, we went together (albeit with a difference of 3 months) in a study-abroad program, sometimes our dinner plans got intercepted with work emails (and yeah, I don’t like it either), we helped each other practice for big presentations (seminars, speeches, thesis defense among others), and basically do all the boring things in life together.
We also have this tendency to over-do and portray that we have a ROCKING relationship — when you make an ambitious birthday infographic, or a confusing essay for your anniversary, you gotta be mental or something don’t you think? — and that our relationship works; every single minute, every single second.
Sometimes we have the honor of people saying that they admire us, some dub us as their “favorite couple ever”, some said we are inspiring (it really touches me when you say that — but we seriously have a long way to go to be called as inspiring). We are extremely happy and flattered for that, thank you! Merci beaucoup! Terima kasih!
It also feels nice being in a relationship where each of us are free to chase our own dreams and ambitions — be it being Bill Gates or Sheryl Sandberg/Melinda Gates (a.k.a. #ForeverGirlCrush) — and does not let your significant other hold you back or shrug you off telling you to “slow down, you’re so ambitious”. It’s nice to have someone that will motivate you when you’re feeling like you’re too lazy to work and prefer to spazz over K-Pop idols instead. It’s nice as well to have someone to be in front of you in the racetrack so you don’t feel so complacent about where you are right now — you’ll grow for the better. But of course — it’s nicest when someone can spill out the harsh word to you if you’ve been doing something wrongly and no one else would want to say the plain, harsh truth out loud to you.
Yes it might sound uptight, rigid, no chill, boring and downright no fun. However, I value self-development and self-actualization, so it really suits me and I find them fun along the way.
So it’s rainbows and butterflies, no?
Well, yes, sure, sometimes.
But there are lots of things that the two Alphas don’t tell you:
- The person in front of you in the racetrack? Guess what, he’s your rival now. Need I say more?
- There are days, weeks, maybe months when you can’t simply meet up due to unmatched schedules and work commitments. In which it could be very tiring — you have no energy left in the evenings to catch up on each other’s lives and got no sufficient amount of free time to have a quality time and reconnect. No matter how much the word “compromise” got said, there are some moments when you just simply can’t. And it’s tiring. It makes you feel empty.
- We need more ears than we need mouths. There are so much to say when you have the time to talk and yet so little you want to hear. Sometimes the two of us are so eloquent in speaking that we don’t know how or when to stop.
- You want to stop running, take a breath for a while, enjoy the sceneries or the sky or whatnots, but soon you realize you’re lagging behind and being the Alpha that you are, you don’t wanna be left behind, of course. (Yes, I know, “then chill a bit! Who’s asking you to keep on running?”)
- You beat yourself too hard — way too hard. When I was still a free-roamers I’ve always had the tendency to look down on myself and feel dissatisfied of who I am and what I’ve done (you know, my friend, I’m always this insecure little girl). When you’re with someone…who has the exact same tendency….you just end up being two very insecure little girl and boy being stuck together in the bottomless abyss that is the insecurity trap. Sometimes we end up losing faith in ourselves completely.
I know every relationship has its own trade-offs and hard times and fun rides. It’s just this is one of the off moments for this girl right here…
and hell yeah it’s tiring.